Hello all,

A most special time rapidly approaches. With the last leaves falling from the trees, the time has come to reflect upon the True Meaning of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is not a time to give thanks.

Thanksgiving is a time to get bumped.

The riches of the bump may dribble forth to some on all quarters of the calendar. But the true zenith of this sport comes into focus only upon a few chosen, special dates. Black Wednesday provides the crowds desperately fleeing work and school in time to show up for the grand holiday of consumption just one day later. The following Sunday features the masses stampeding home to arrive, bleary-eyed, back to work and school on Monday morning. The resulting crush is a thing of beauty when the flexibly chosen are wrung out and left, vouchers in hand, to rest peacefully in the corridors of airports across the nation, knowing that they will fly freely again when the crowds have thinned. And, for those basking in the rich fortune of the cascading multiple bump, bonanzas of free travel await them once the seas of humanity have ebbed.

But the assault on this special tradition grows unabated. The cool blue airline expands and clings to its misguided premise of never overbooking. The new buzzing teeny swarm of jets airline follows, lemminglike, this dark path of no overbooking. More airlines focus relentlessly on reducing this special experience, even arming those from the land of the scorpion to battle in the movement. One can only hope that, someday, a more fulfilling vision of snaking lines of bumpees might grow from this flock of misguided carriers.

As is becoming clear, the highest Thanksgiving tradition is in grave danger. I fear that my last year's Continental double bump bonus might be--quelle horreur!--the last. So this year, I am compelled to stage my protest by fleeing the country so that others may reflect on the future of this special time. I shall sequester in Japan, where Thanksgiving is devoid of meaning without the fine spectacle of mass bumping. May others follow my selfless example and force the nation to shed tears at our departure from this most precious of holidays. And may this start the rally cry--"Overbook! Oversell! How many dollars now!"--to show us the way to glorious stacks, reams, towers, and floods of free flowing future flight festivities.

Wishing fine fortunes,